Here are Myk Jung and Mathias Black of Testify from Germany,Europe. Hi! Bellyache! Strange coincidence! our bellies aches, and it's not a joke. It comes from being tired of this planet, but that's not an answer to any of your questions, so we think we will start now:

1. Who are you? And if you guys were fighting a Battle Royale which one of you would win?

MJ: We are Testify from Western Germany, or at least two of them.
MB: I fear none of us two would be the winner, unless perhaps Myk

2. What kind of music are you?

MJ: I fear that's what many people call "Industrial", eh?
MB: More the sort of Metal-Industrial

3. What exactly does "MMMYAOOO" mean?

MB: Never worried about that...
MJ: I think it is the scream of mild enthusiasm, this MMMYAOOOO

4. If you ever met Blink 182 in a dark alley what would you do to them?

MJ: Blink 182? Never heard of them!
MB: I think we'd blink the eyes.

5. Are you fan of Professional Wrestling, mainly WCW? If so what is your opinion on the NWO (New World Order)?

MJ: I'm afraid I'm not in that "Wrestling" bit...
MB: Haven't you got any questions about soccer?

6. When on the road what Beer has the best price/taste ratio in your opinion? What I mean is 'what kind of beer do you think tastes best for least amount of money'?

MJ: "Stauder Pils" is not too bad...
MB: I prefer "Duessel Alt"
MJ: In Pilsen people drink Pils, in Duesseldorf they drink Alt, but probably none of you American guys ever heard of these beers...

7. Where are you from and if you were allowed to lie about where you were from what you would tell me?

MJ: I'm from Essen, the digusting city, where "Krupp" weapons were made...
MB: I'm from Duesseldorf (where I use to drink Duessel Alt), the city, from which Die Krupps come... By the way, these guys are going to make a remix of our stuff on this years' Testify-mini-album.
MJ: If I was allowed to lie I'd say I'm from Kirgisistan
MB: I'd prefer Iowa, but that sounds not very likely...

8. Ok, guys. On two occasions your label manager wrote me summaries of your work and at the end of both of them he wrote "Beware of the snarling voices...They might catch your brain and control your next nightmare." What exactly does this mean, and if the snarling voices have already caught my brain, how can I get rid of them?

MB: Promotional expressions, eh? I think there are just sick voices in our work
MJ: Get rid of them? Why not trying to be happy while your brain is botherd by this... what was it... snarling?

9. Have any of you ever been to or know someone who has been to Iowa, Montana or Missouri? Because we don't know anyone who has, and noone we know knows someone who has, so we're starting to believe that those 3 places don't really exist.

MJ: That's what I always suspected
MB: I even thought the whole North American continent was imaginary

10. Who's you favorite late 80s, early 90s metal band, in thirty words or less?

MJ: Thirty words? In the late 80's there was no Metal that might be something alike "my favourite"
MB: What about Godflesh?
MJ: That's no real Metal, eh?!

11. What's a better cartoon, South Park, The Simpsons, Beavis n' Butthead (all the Mike Judge spin-offs), Space Ghost Coast2Coast or the recently cancelled Duckman?

MJ: The Simpsons, perhaps?
MB: You say that just because you don't know the others, Myk, admit it!
MJ: There's something true about this (with the exception of Beavis 'n Butthead, of course) - just keep in mind that we're from Germany!
MB: And Kirgisistan!

12. Speaking of South Park, What better exemplifies the decline of modern civilization: Jerry Springer, South Park or Family Matters? And why are we ok with the first two, but so bothered by Must See TV, the WB and America's Funniest Home videos?

MJ: You only asked us this question to reveal the far-away-from all-attitude of Germany, hm?!

13. What brand of instruments do you play and what would kind you rather have?

MJ: I'd like to play harp, but I'm only able to do this snarling thing..
MB: I still play Atari, one of the ancient instruments from the last century

14. What does Punxatawny Phil (a horrible misspelling, but oh well) mean to you?

MJ: That ....was...
MB: That was this small animal in the movie of that guy who always woke up just to experience the very same day again and again, wha?

15. Do you realize that Testify spelled backwards is Yfitset, or did you do that intentionally?

MJ: Har! This must have been intention!
MB: And what is... Yfitset?

16. What do have to say about the over-violent Utah/Mormon Straight-Edge scene?

MJ: I fear it'd make me puke to be there
MB: ... wha?... which scene?

17. I understand Tesitfy used to be a sideproject. A sideproject to what? And speaking of sides, what are your favorite side dishes?

MJ: In 92 Testify started as side profect of a long forgotten band the name of which was The Fair Sex
MB: And side dish? We gave up eating

18. Have you ever heard of the White Trash Debutantes? Because they suck.

MB: I bet they do---
MJ: Very specific questions... Have you ever heard of Abbrechende Waschbecken? They suck.

19. When you were in elementary school, what was your favorite part: Recess or Lunch?

MB: This kinda school is called "Grundschule" in Germany
MJ: You ask this questions by purpose -- wha?-- I mean there's a kind of strategy behind it, something hidden, eh?

20. Have you ever heard of Rudolph's Rache? Cuz they rule

MB: They rule? But what exactly do they rule - moreover I don't know anything about it, as you already suspected.

21. Which dog is cooler...the German Shepherd or the Dachsund? (in case of Dachsund: short haired or long haired, miniature or regular size?)

MB:I'm sorry to say that I hate dogs; I'm all for Wiesels

22. Do they have Chinese buffets in Germany?

MB:It seems likely; but you see: Because of financial lacks I recently gave up eating; I'm even thinking about giving up breathing - what do you think?

23. Have any of you ever solved the Rubik's cube?

MB: Not one of the Testifylers I would believe. They have difficulties with those parts of their bodies that are responsible for thinking

24. What does 'Ich bein de auslander' mean? And what band sang that song?

MB: "Ich bin ein Ausl"nder" - "I am a foreigner" - it was invented as an exclamation against racism: Everyone is a foreigner, in almost every land of the world ------ something like that. I can't remember what band sang that. Probably there are numerous bands in Germany proclaiming these left-wing theorems ( which I appriciate)

25. Why do so many foreign bands insist on singing in English, rather than their native tongue?

MB: That is easy, isn't it? Because if they sang in their native tongue, they would be confronted with the shit they have created lyricwise - as well as the native audience. So they use English language, and nobody understands anything, and all are satisfied.

26. Who's more popular in Germany, Metallica or Megadeth?

MB: Without the slightest doubt Metallica, and I can't imagine that it's not the same in the U.S.

27. Is it true that German girls are easy?

MB: I wish they were. What do you think what fucking old Germany is? Wonderland, eh???

28. Are you getting sick of this interview yet?

MJ: I am -------
MB: I'm not

29. How about now?

MB: Yeah, indeed - it's my turn now to get sick of it slowly...
MJ: No, not for me. For me the last question was a signal for rising attraction again

30. Anything else you might want to tell my readers?

MB: Keep mmyaoooed!
MJ: I have nothing to add. I'm waiting for the next question, because of the rising attraction...

31. Do you want to hang out sometime? Maybe get some coffee or something?

MB: No coffe, please. I'm for Duessel Alt

32. Ok...well. I guess that finishes the interview. Boy, I'm gonna miss

you guys. Are you gonna miss me? MJ: "hhh.... tya..."
MB: "Hmmmm. mmmmyaooo.."

33. Why not?

MB: OK!!!!! I'll miss you, honestly
MJ: I think you are a very exciting personality, yes. And I'm really not relieved now hearing that this interview is over... but indeed: Thank you very much, you aching bellies.

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